A Lesson in Proper Defenestration
by Venea Taur
Summary: After learning about D'Artagnan's disastrous exit via a window, Aramis takes it upon himself to teach the lad the proper way to do so. Athos and Porthos provide their support.


A/N: This story starts a collection of one-shots for _The Musketeers_. I have a few to get started with that I'll post once I'm done editing them. They are a mixture of episode tags and stand alone stories. This one is a sort of tag to episode 1: "Friends and Enemies." After re-watching the episode, I was struck by the contrast and outcome of the jumps out of a window made by Aramis and D'Artagnan. Clearly, the lad is in need of some further instruction if he's going to keep up this dangerous lifestyle. Please read, relax, and enjoy.

Oh, please don't try Aramis' method for jumping out of a window. I have no idea if it really works.

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A Lesson in Proper Defenestration

It was after the adrenaline was out of their systems, after they'd crashed and slept for a day that they discovered the heavily bruised ribs D'Artagnan was hiding. Though Constance had seen to the injury, they forced him to sit still long enough for a second examination. As he was redoing the bandaging, Aramis managed to wheedle out of the Gascon the truth of how he got the injury. Porthos laughed and Athos gave a slight smirk when he explained that he'd had to make a sudden exit through a window to save his life.

"There is a proper way to exit through a window," was Aramis' simple, cryptic response.

In a few weeks, when his ribs were healed he found himself looking out a window of an empty room on the second floor in the garrison facing the courtyard. Aramis was with him, while Porthos and Athos stood below, for encouragement they'd said with grins, well just a knowing smirk in Athos' case. The marksman had spent the past week talking him through the art of safely jumping out of windows as the man apparently had a lot of experience. He'd even demonstrated a couple times. It seemed easy enough in theory, but in practice?

"Now, remember, this is the best way to exit through a window." D'Artagnan was trying to pay attention to Aramis, but he couldn't help but feel nervous about this. "Once you've mastered this method, we'll move onto more challenging exits."

"Why do I have to practice going out the window," he asked.

"Because you need to know how, especially if you plan on going out windows in the future."

"I'm really not planning on doing it in the future."

"Did you the last time?"

"No."

"Do you want to be a Musketeer," Aramis asked.

"Yes."

"You need this training then."

"But Athos and Porthos…"

"I haven't met anyone who'd keep Porthos from exiting in a more traditional manner and Athos, well, he's smarter than us."

"Wh…" D'Artagnan couldn't get words out past the indignation.

"But he doesn't have nearly as much fun," Aramis added with a smile, and, was that a twinkle in his eyes? "They've consented to this. You trust us, don't you?"

"I'm beginning to wonder if I should," he muttered. "What about the Captain?"

"He's off meeting with the Cardinal right now."

"And if he was here?"

"I'm sure he'd understand," Aramis answered quickly. "Now, when you get out there, you need to relax. Don't tense up. That'll make your landing harder. Don't try to catch yourself with your legs, but fall back, hands out, palms down, and head up." Aramis was physically demonstrating as he explained. They'd practiced this some too with Porthos taking a bit too much delight in pushing him so he'd fall flat on his back. "And be sure to slap your hands out, it'll ease off some of the force of the landing."

"Anytime, gentlemen," Athos' gentle drawl called up towards them. D'Artagnan had become well acquainted with the undercurrent of agitation that was present. The different subtle tones in the swordsman's voice were becoming clearer over the past few weeks.

"I believe that's your signal, D'Artagnan, lest our fearless leader come up here and push you out himself."

"Right." He was trying to steel himself for this. Trying not to think about the height. He wasn't afraid of the height, anyway. It was the memory of his last fall that was preventing the normally impulsive side of him from climbing out. Maybe he'd be content to go back to the farm.

"Would you like a shove?" Aramis wasn't helping.

"No. I can do this."

"Of course. Anytime then." The marksman wasn't trying to rush him. There was no irritation in his voice. It occurred to him that Aramis had probably learned this the hard way and knew best the fear of jumping out a window when there were better means but circumstances prevented their use. Yes, this was better. He was trying to help him.

He took a deep breath before climbing up and out the window until he was hanging there by his hands, feet dangling and hitting the wall.

"Remember what I've taught you," Aramis said, looking down at him. "You'll be fine."

D'Artagnan took a few deep breaths, remembering Aramis' first instruction: stay calm. He was working up the courage to release his grip when someone yelled from other side of the courtyard, near the entrance if he had to guess.

"What the hell are you four doing?" It was Treville and he was not happy. The sudden noise caused D'Artagnan to panic and let loose of the window ledge. There was no time to set himself up as Aramis had explained, instead he was forced to rely on instinct, gathered from Aramis' consistent, patient instructions and Porthos' glee-filled shoves of him to the ground. The landing was hard and clumsy, but nothing like his first time exiting through a window.

As he lay there on his back, looking up at a smiling Aramis, he wondered how this might affect his chances at a commission.


End file.
